Tuesday, December 18, 2007

thank goodness for rocker boots

it's been a really really really long time.

so i'm going to begin with a really really really good story to make up for it.

before i begin, it should be mentioned that my dad is an oakie. in other words, my dad could have been a character in the grapes of wrath. he likes to do things his way, which usually means the most dangerous but fastest way possible. safety precautions are for morons, according to my father. (but this is a rule he usually only applies to himself. you know, because he is so knowledgeable and wise.)

because of these circumstances, my father has been electrocuted innumerable times. so i suppose that this story is just a drop in the bucket. but here we go: in the the santa cruz mountains, circa 1974, my dad and his oldest son, whom we'll call "led-head" were doing some work outside. in the mountains where we lived, you have to use wells for drinking water. for some reason, they were pulling a huge pole out of the well. but they didn't think to look up to see the power lines directly overhead.

my dad happened to see what was happening almost in time, but not soon enough to avoid being blown off the pole. he flew about twenty feet. led-head, however, was not so lucky. he was stuck to the pole with electrical current blasting through his body. my other brother, who was only 3 at the time, and whom we'll call "gonzo" was witnessing the entire horrific scene, and is probably still traumatized for life. he ran home as quick as he could to my mom. and these are the words that he uttered:

"mom! fire is coming out of led-head's boots!"

my mom was quite sure that this was bad news, although she wasn't sure what it meant. so she rushed out to where she knew dad and led-head had been working. sure enough, fire WAS coming out of led-head's boots.

as has been alluded to by the name i've chosen to give led-head, he considered himself somewhat of a rocker. this was, after all 1974, and no self-respecting rocker would be caught dead without some killer rocker boots with huge heels. and i guess that ended up being quite literal considering what happened to him...

my dad was able to get led-head off of the pole somehow. his hair was sticking up, and his hands were black with small holes where the electricity had gone out of his body, and some in his legs. but since my dad is an oakie, there was no, "let's go to the hospital," or, "let's get you checked out and see if you're ok," nonsense. but gonzo recalls that both dad and led-head were quite sluggish after the incident. they both just kind of lay around. apparently their speech was slow and so were their movements.

the moral of the story is, don't pull poles out of a well. and if you do, make sure you wear big boots.


Sunday, March 11, 2007

drive-thru

my friend poprocks and i have done some great things together. my friend bex and i have done some great things together also. but one time, poprocks AND bex and i did something really fun together. well, until it went awry at the very end...

we were all in poprocks' car, we wanted to do something fun. bex, always full of good, mischievous, (and usually cheap) ideas suggested that we try to get things for free. apparently, if you go through a drive-thru and flirt sufficiently, people give you free things. poprocks was completely intrigued with this idea, as she is with anything involving flirting.

we pulled into wendy's. since poprocks was the driver, she was the spokesperson. the voice from the order box asked what we wanted. poprocks said quite genuinely, "well...what could we get for free?" first shot. the kid was way nice and said he would give us some free drinks.

sipping our free drinks, we were now hooked. but we had to think of some more creative ways of going about this. and this included thinking of the most heinous ways to approach it. we came up with some great answers depending on what they said. for example:

voicebox: can i take your order?

poprocks: i don't know...are you man enough to take my order?

and so on.

however, after our initial success, we ran into some snags. the next three or four drive-thrus we tried were girls. uggh. this is the interchange that occurred each time:

GIRL voicebox: can i help you?

poprocks: NO!

then she would drive off, disgusted.

poprocks' driving could here be addressed as well. she was known for driving great distances with only one contact in, if any, which she needs to safely drive. she's also known for driving over curbs and doing other illegal things when the fancy strikes her.

with this as a backdrop, we pulled into what would be our last drive-thru. planning to use our favorite line ("are you man enough...?") poprocks suddenly got very nervous. when the male voicebox said exactly what he was supposed to for the punchline, poprocks was laughing so hard and was so embarrassed that she barely eeked out the words: "are you man enough to take my order?" in a really scary, low voice. she then freaked out, put her car in reverse and backed into a car which had pulled in behind us.

after the information was exchanged, it wasn't so bad.