Dirty Laundry & Personal History

I have a dilemma which I haven't solved as of yet, perhaps someone can help me think of some ideas. It's related to recording an honest, uplifting personal history for posterity when there are lots of things in life (and the lives of family members) that are not positive. Does anyone have any ideas on this?

I love storytelling, and especially anecdotes. My old blog entries will attest to this, as well as my love of hyperbole. The StoryCorps project on NPR has always fascinated me, but I haven't had the, ahem, leisure time to really get into it. It would be great to somehow get involved.

And if I'm honest, I should admit there is a part of me that likes telling crazy stories about my family. They are interesting and seem to get a lot of attention. That can really appeal to the natural man. But there must be a balance. I don't want to just throw out a bunch of horrifying details about my life for shock effect, even if it's true. I also don't want to whitewash anything, because that is not honest. I've heard so many complaints about people who sweep things under the rug and pretend their lives are perfect to keep up appearances. Personally, I feel that if people want to do that, good for them. But I can't really bring myself to do that.

Advice?

I'll leave you with a completely not PC quote from my mother:

"Jimi Hendrix was black?? I just always thought he was really dirty."

Mission-Level Spirituality

I’ve been re-listening to the General Conference talks from this month (okay, let’s be honest, listening for the first time in some cases because I fell asleep), and I have been noticing that I cannot help but cry every time I hear any talk related to missionary work. Actually, I cry at any talk that is related in any way to sharing the gospel or seeing people as the Lord sees them. There were many talks about that this conference, and I am always so glad when I am in the shower when they come on so I can conveniently cry it down the drain like Tobias Funke. It’s because of the people I came to know on my mission. They are not “my converts,” I was just blessed enough to have the opportunity to participate in their conversion and to witness the Spirit working on these people and moving them to change their lives. It has been 12 years since I returned from my mission, but for some reason I feel more strongly than ever the importance of that time in my life.

I cry because I miss that time in my life, even though it was hands down one of the most difficult. I also cry because I miss the people and I feel somewhat guilty that I haven’t kept in touch with them as much as I could. I worry about them and pray while I cry that the Lord is supporting them through other ward members and other missionaries. But mostly I cry because I am so grateful for that experience, and regret that I don’t feel the same degree of love toward all human beings that I did at that time. And perhaps this is selfish, but I LOVED who I was when I felt that way toward others. It took work to get to that point. But by the end of my mission, I felt so empowered by love and by the power of God, it was a beautiful feeling. I was my best self. No one could upset me, I was completely at peace. I fully recognized the truth that I was in control of only my actions, and that the actions of others were not my responsibility. The strength of the Spirit helped me to react to others only with love, and it was amazing.

 

Teaching Salvador Luna. At this point I was still working toward peace - Azusa, CA

Sneaking into an apartment complex to teach Graciela Salas - Azusa, CA

Aren’t we supposed to become a better person every day? Aren’t we supposed to be only progressing or regressing? Is it possible for anyone to maintain the level of the spirit one had as a missionary? It must be, but how is it done? Logically, I assume one would have to perform many of the same tasks, such as studying the scriptures for 2 hours a day and speaking to everyone you see about the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. At least for me, speaking to people openly and gregariously about the gospel was one of the most spiritually strengthening activities I have ever experienced. I came to love knocking doors. It was kind of exhilarating and also helped me rely on the Spirit more than I might have otherwise. It helped me feel the Spirit a great deal, and a large part of it was the fact that I was testifying to total strangers about the most true principles in the universe. Yes, that sounds a little dramatic. But it’s accurate.

Okay, but now that I am a 35 year old stay-at-home parent with depression and fatigue, should I really add to my list that I think I’m still a missionary and living in the past? I actually remember feeling that way at one time when I went back to visit an area in my mission. I served a Spanish-speaking mission in California - the Arcadia Mission. The area I spent the most time in and finished my mission in is called Tujunga. I lived in San Diego after my mission for a number of years and therefore was able to drive up to LA area easily if I felt like visiting. One of my last visits, I bore my testimony in Relief Society (or Sociedad de Socorro) and for some reason, I felt very pathetic. My Spanish was not as good as it had once been, and one of the sisters looked at me with what I could only describe as “loving pity.” I think she felt that I was having trouble moving on from my life as a missionary. She wasn’t totally wrong, but there were also many other reasons for my pathetic-ness which might not have been immediately apparent. Single life many years after finishing a mission is never a good feeling (if you prefer to get married), but that’s a topic for another post.

No, I don’t think it’s practical to literally replicate my activities as a full-time missionary, although it sounds kind of fun. (Sometimes I worry that the only reason I care what other people think is because it keeps me from slipping into insanity. Like seriously, it would be dangerously easy for me to stop caring what people think, but I know it would be bad for my mental health.) So what is the answer? Several pamphlets my mission president gave me at the end of my mission indicated that it was possible to maintain such a level of spirituality after the mission by continuing scripture study, prayer, church and temple attendance, etc. Uh, yeah, seems a bit obvious. But doing those things doesn’t seem to be sufficient to produce the closeness to the Spirit and ultimately (what I miss most) the charity toward my fellow man that I once enjoyed.

Perhaps praying for charity and to see others as the Lord sees them is more helpful than I once thought. Lack of consistency is a weakness of mine, and praying is very difficult for me. Even as a missionary, I struggled with prayer because of lack of focus. It’s always been hard. But prayer is work, according to an excellent talk by Elder David A. Bednar. In short, these are the things I need to improve:

1. Praying for charity (and to see others as the Lord sees them)
2. Consistent prayer and scripture study
3. Meaningful church attendance (and let’s be honest, staying for all meetings in spite of nap schedule demands - both mine AND my toddler’s)
4. Consistent and frequent temple attendance
5. Praying to have opportunities to share the gospel with those around me

my mother: the gift that keeps on giving

my mother is a professional giver. she is extremely generous, sometimes to a fault. here, i mean to document some of the actual gifts she has given me, because of their numerous and curious natures. let me begin by saying that she has given me a number of christmas ornaments throughout the years. when i was a missionary, she gave me a christmas gift of a dozen glass stylized flamingo ornaments. because where would i be in the mission field without that, you know? she also once gave me an enormous octopus wearing a crown with sparkles. if you don't believe me, here is a photo:

and since being married, she has given my husband a christmas gift of a giant owl ornament. (no photo included because i don't want to have to unpack our christmas stuff.) let me tell you how thrilled daryn was. actually, we were quite thrilled, because this is so funny.

that said, we can press on to her latest adventures in gift giving. she has a penchant for mailing me random things. sometimes, it's a box or bag full of newspaper clippings, or just whole newspapers with nothing in particular identified or circled. she will include programs from plays or ballets she recently saw, obituaries of people i don't know (but whom hopefully SHE knows), and old magazines like sierra club or birdwatchers.

and then, sometimes she sends me a $900 suit from neiman marcus.

this has been going on for some time. it seems there is no in-between for my mother. it's either: a box full of old newspapers, OR...SOMETHING FROM NEIMAN MARCUS. she only shops from catalogues, and while nordstrom was her favorite while i was growing up, she has developed a sincere loyalty to neiman marcus, or at least their catalogue.

so far, she has bought me:

a green and white dress (i used this for some engagement photos)

a $900 suit, which i returned as it wasn't my style, and i couldn't handle that much money being spent on ONE outfit. i have no photo of this as i returned it; however, NM does not refund you, they simply give you a gift card. so pretend that here is a photo of daryn and i eating at the NM cafe for over the past two years.

a nice plain white shift

a lovely blue blouse and an ill-fitting purple skirt, which i returned since it was $1,500 and there just too many other things i can think of that would better suit me for that amount of money. here is the blouse though...

a floofy velour tracksuit which at first i thought would never be possible to wear. but then when i tried it on, it kind of looked awesome. you can't really see it in this pic, but it has now become my official sunday uniform.

an entire bedspread/bed set which technically was for daryn's birthday, not for me. again, daryn was thrilled.

a lovely red shift is the latest purchase.

i must here mention that there is nothing i can do to stop these extravagant purchases. i have tried. believe me. it is very easy to see that we could do other things with this amount of money she feels to spend on such items, but she will not have it.

there are some outliers that i should probably mention as well. these are not necessarily from NM, but they are noteworthy. 

first this fuchsia dress. this was from some other catalogue besides NM.

next, a hat, gloves and scarf (no photo.) you know, for the harsh san diego winter.

this black and white little number. very comfy!

next, this expensive collector's egg from a british catalogue. this thing was a couple hundred POUNDS.

a random, tiny bear with a fish in its mouth, again for daryn. this is a result of my mother's additional passion for american indian stores and paraphernalia, along with a deck of playing cards featuring american indian lore, quotes, and photos. (not pictured) i still have not scored a t-shirt of a wolf howling at the moon though.

and finally, we cannot forget the 3-foot tall santa with a staff and velvet cape which arrived a few weeks before christmas a couple of years ago. this guy photo bombed our christmas card photo last year because he is SO festive.

there are probably many more gifts i am forgetting. i have heard a rumor that my step-father will soon be sending a present for our new pet parrot, miller. i truly have NO IDEA what that will entail, but i will let you know.

name change!!

yessss - this blog is getting resurrected. it's been a LONG LONG LONG time, to quote the beatles.

the name of the blog used to be spinning yarns but i never liked that name, so i have officially changed it to joy collision! it seems the only other person or entity using that name IS a roller derby girl, so really, where can i go wrong? if anything, that is a sign that i and my blog are even more awesome than i previously thought. in addition, i wanted to quite literally suggest a bunch of joy colliding together because that is what life is about. (and joy division is a sweet band, as well.)

obviously my other, older posts have been mainly anecdotes from the crazy college years. i should mention here that if you are not a fan of hyperbole, you may not appreciate my style. those stories are all true, and i am fond of them; however, the future blogs i create will be a combination of such anecdotes (which believe it or not, continue to happen!) and other commentary and/or ideas of a serious and sometimes ridiculous nature.

miss DT

at byu freshman year, i lived in helaman halls. bex lived in deseret towers, also known as DT. one day, in the bathrooms lf her dorm, there was a flyer on the bathroom stall door. it said "1st annual miss DT contest" on it and gave the details of an upcoming opportunity to compete for the title of miss DT.

was it a pageant? was it a joke? was it serious? we didn't know, but one thing was certain. bex would try out for miss DT.

it became apparent that there would be some obstacles to winning the title. there were not one but two rounds to the competition. the first consisted of an interview. bex went to the interview with her hair fashioned in a questionable manner by cicada. she answered questions such as, "what is your favorite ice cream?" and she managed to pass the first test.

having qualified for the second round, bex had to prepare for the contest itself. she needed a costume, a talent, and to be able to answer an interview question in front of everyone. there were about 9 other girls competing. not only that but there were guys competing for the title of mr. DT. it was quite a production in the lobby of deseret towers.

bex wore for her outfit: a coon skin cap, red long underwear with tie-died regular underwear over, rainbow moon boots, and a cape.

for her talent, she recruited a friend of hers whom we'll call crazy. crazy was very adept at imitating unusual things; among them, a parade float balloon, and spiderman.

when it came time for her to demonstrate her talent, she announced she would be performing hypnosis and called from a volunteer from the audience. many people raised their hands, but she of course chose crazy. she hypnotized him into becoming spiderman, and then a parade float balloon. for the grand finale she hypnotized him into becoming a bandersnatch warbeling through the something or other. and he did that very well also.

the interview question was this: "what was your most embarrassing moment." you would have thought they would have realized the danger in asking bex this question. she chose to go the mild route, and stated that when she was in kindergarten she peed her pants. had she been more honest, she would have been able to tell a more recent story about peeing her pants only a few months before.

despite the smattering of people trying out for the title of miss DT (including some very earnest participants, some of which played the piano, danced, and sang), bex won. it was announced at a dance held especially for the occasion. she wore a red, green, and white frock, and some bowling shoes. they graced her head with a rhinestone tiara and the honor of carrying the title for a year.

i'm quite certain that bex set a precedent for the first annual miss DT contest that otherwise would not have been set...and will likely influence the miss DTs for years to come...

the sorority

i went to byu, and there are no sororities at byu. unless you count the relief society, which is also very important. but as for real sororities, there is none.

but that didn't stop us. cicada, bex and i decided to create a sorority our freshman year. it was called "kappa kappa kappa kappa kappa kappa kappa phi." and we were the tri-presidency. in order to recruit members, we took turns sitting at a bench/table near the quad with a sign-up sheet. after getting their contact information, we then sent out informative emails introducing ourselves. well, not so much introducing ourselves as creating completely false biographies with very questionable details. then we asked them to tell us a little about themselves.

we then proceeded to reject every person who responded. and then recruited more people to reject the next day.

this was going along fine, until one day my roommate whom we'll call slug, found out what we had been doing. she was delighted, but then decided to play a little trick on cicada. she submitted an email explaining a little about herself to the tri-presidency of kappa kappa kappa kappa kappa kappa kappa phi. she detailed her pathetic life as a friendless student at byu struggling with cancer. she expressed her heartfelt gratitude for finally being able to find some new friends.

cicada was distraught. she didn't know what to do. she thought maybe we should let this one slide under the wire. bex and i, knowing the truth, were ruthless in our rejection. we told cicada to cut this one loose. we couldn't be suffering charity cases to ruin our sorority.

then we told her it was only slug.

and the sorority continued on its merry way for a time...

summer cd

if you want a good mix to listen to this summer, this is the one i made for a lot of my friends. i can't make it for everyone, but i would like to. (and it must be done in this order for the best results. also, you can only listen to it when it's super nice outside.)

1. big john shaft - belle and sebastian

2. foux du fafa - flight of the conchords

3. electric feel - MGMT

4. time of the season - the zombies

5. close to me (closet remix) - the cure

6. my moon my man - feist

7. it's summertime - the flaming lips

8. she's not there - the zombies

9. kokomo - the beach boys

10. boracay - the little ones

11. the girl from ipanema - getz and gilberto

12. andy warhol - david bowie

13. lemonade - rivers cuomo

14. foxes mate for life - born ruffians

15. young folks - peter bjorn and john

16. this charming man - the smiths

17. under my thumb - the rolling stones

18. girl - beck

19. summer - modest mouse

20. tonight she comes - the cars

21. death of a party - blur

56 days

that's right. that's how many days bex wore a solitary outfit of clothing. 

it all started when our friend told us about a fellow who wore his sweats for an extended period of time just to see if someone would say something. if you think about it, it's an excellent way to test people's integrity. or something. in any case, it makes good people uncomfortable because it forces them to pit their manners against their desire to make the world a more hygenic place. this is what appealed to bex.

so she wore a yellow cardigan sweater over a grey t-shirt with some plaid pants and some velcro shoes. i believe this outfit also consisted of some sort of choker necklace. she wore the outfit for 56 days in a row. for church, she would remove the pants and replace them with a pillow-case skirt, even still retaining the velcro shoes. i wonder if she changed her socks? i can't remember. but i do remember that she only washed "the outfit" once.

this was at byu, and everyone proved to be much more polite than they were concerned about hygenics. i think part of it was that many classes bex attended were every other day, so the people she encountered had at least the hope that she changed her clothes every OTHER day.

there were, however, a few comments that seem pretty telling to me. one day, bex changed her choker necklace because she had gotten a new one that she wanted to wear. a girl in one of her classes said, "hey! you got a new necklace! i notice these things..." hopefully, this was just tact, and not complete irony. 

also, the day bex voted, she was of course given a "i voted today" sticker. once the sticker was slapped to her mustard-yellow cardigan, it did not budge. it had officially become part of the outfit. and i believe one of her classmates did say at one point, "voted again today, huh?"

hahahaha.